Scarlett O'Hara...A Woman After My Own Heart

As people who read my FB contributions and follow this blog will know, winter is my least favourite time of year. I don't know if I have SAD...I've never pursued a diagnosis for why my spirits plummet at this time of year...but I certainly feel my mood drops, my energy levels wane, I eat more, I do less, am less sociable and feel generally under par in these dark, dismal months.

 The loss of my Mum in June has obviously been the most significant factor on how I feel at the moment...her cancer diagnosis followed by her death a mere 7 weeks later..still has an unreal aspect to it even though the brutal reality of her absence in my life... in all our lives... is daily evident.

Monday was a  difficult day. I felt everything was pointless, Xmas, the whole shebang could carry on without me...I just felt numb, flat and very sad. However, as strong and pervasive as these feelings were...as the day went on...something else stirred, something that always stirs when I feel like this.....HOPE.


It has always been thus...no matter how bad things have got and they have got seriously bad at various times throughout my life... I have always been an eternal optimist...I always think...this too will pass, things will get better, circumstances will improve and I will move forward. I identify very much with Scarlett O'Hara... not the Rhett Butler problemo or the plantation/slave owning thing obviously(!)...but with how she dealt with her problems....'I'll think about that tomorrow....after all....TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY!' is a very fine life philosophy as far as I'm concerned :-)

I am very good at putting off thinking about problems until tomorrow... or a week next Friday if that is what suits....and I am equally good at ignoring people who are pissing me off until I am ready to deal with them. Putting things on the back burner may seem like cowardly procrastination to some but for me it works and I am sure it has saved me from making some hasty, dodgy decisions and from ripping some people's heads off.


So today, because my mood has indeed lifted, I will focus my mind on the remaining cards I have to send and other ghastly things pertaining to the Christian Capitalist Conspiracy that is engulfing us all and do it with a kinder, calmer heart than I had on Monday.

 Emily Dickinson, one of my favourite American poets along with that other cheery soul, Sylvia Plath, wrote it best, I think, so I shall leave you with her wise words on the subject...

 

'Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all.'

Scott of Portree Reporting In.....

Well having just trudged back from our local emergency supplies outpost....today's emergency supplies being newspapers (we could be living in Alaska...not that much of a mental leap today and  the old boy would still want his Press&Journal & his Daily Depress courier delivered by huskies) bottles of Shiraz and Baileys and some Shitmas cards...I have to report it is pretty brutal out there :-l

Now the Shiraz is for the big fuck off Lasagne I'm making for tonight's repast...I made it for Julie and Peter's arrival in October...and let's face it the Bolognese element needs a wee bit of le vin rouge to give it the necessary mmm factor. However, there may be  a problem because you only need a couple of splashes out of 750ml bottle for the mmmmm and that leaves a dangerous 700mls kicking about in my kitchen! I love a good red but a good red doesn't second that emotion so if I'm not going to spend the evening with Armitage Shanks as opposed to Anne Widdecombe I will probably need to put it up in the loft! 

Baileys is pretty much my raison d'etre at this time of year.....and the Bolognese sauce is definitely  far better without it...so no sojourn in the loft for it ;-)

Shitmas cards....a necessary evil and one of which I can no further bear to speak or contemplate :-l

Have definitely noticed that extreme weather seems to make your local moody bastards feel the need to engage  you in conversation. Twice this morning, certain personages, who I've smiled at as I've passed all year round and got a complete ding, have been...well verbose doesn't even cover it...practically verbally incontinent about the 'terrible weather' etc etc.....another good reason to wish for the snow to do one!

I feel sorry for Natnook ...  she is up on holiday at the moment and is trying to catch up with some friends and therefore had to trudge all over Portree ....however, I have noticed she seems to be offered alcoholic fortification at every port of call which she has thought only polite to accept so that has made her various journeys more bearable.

Yasnook and Flowrinook have taken to hibernating in Yasnook's boudoir and I've not seen them emerge since 11pm last night...however once she discovers there's Baileys aboot this hoose..no doubt she will be down the stairs quicker than a rat up a drain:-l  As she accompanied her mother, in a blizzard, to the Co-op last night, I think she may be granted a few spoonfuls ;-)

Anyways...I hope wherever you are this weekend that you have plenty of warmth, chocolate, alcohol and other comfort items of your choice. Remember exercise keeps you warm so a quick limber up before Strictly is always a good start to the evening ;-)

NB: Can I just clarify that my Dad reads the Daily Depress as therapy...allows him to vent his spleen...repeatedly... about the 'Tory Fascist Rag' that it is and implore me 'To read this bit, Linda...' and he does love the crosswords!

These boots were made for walking....

As a longtime devotee of the couch, and in the knowledge that many of my FB friends are fellow lounge languishers, I am going to break  this to you gently.....I, Linda.....being of sound mind(?) and body and without the benefit of any healing hands or 'miracles'....am going to raise myself up and WALK!


After you've all read and re-read the above paragraph several times, availed yourself of a fortifying alcoholic beverage and speed dialled your chosen therapist, I will endeavour to answer the question that I'm sure is buzzing round your brains like a bumble-bee.....WHY ?

Well, I'm looking to kill 3 birds with the one stone here....we are nothing if not multi-tasking....and in a rare moment of insight and cerebral clarity...WALKING.. was revealed to me as the solution to my Dali-Lamas.

Firstly, and most importantly, I am missing my Mum big time at the moment... much more now than when she died in June. I can feel myself retreating into myself and, with 4 months left of winter climes left, if I don't do something now I will emerge in March as Portree's answer to Howard Hughes!
I can never repay the doctors and nurses who looked after my Mum in her final weeks but I  can & want to do something in my Mum's memory that will provide funds to continue to help other cancer patients and their families in the future . Hence the idea of doing the 5k for MacMillan Cancer Care in June, 2011.


Secondly, especially since becoming a carer ...but to be honest for a long time before that too..I feel my life has stagnated into a comfortable but, nevertheless, mind numbing rut! That definitely needs to change for my sanity and for the sanity of those around me! I need to get myself out of the house more & I need to have a focus/aim too and preparing for this walk serves those imperatives well.

Thirdly, after coming through, and out the other end of, being anaemic, I now feel much better and more energetic than I've felt for quite some time. I want to keep feeling this way and I want to get fitter so walking seems the ideal activity. I know some people take up running  in midlife  to keep fit but with my bosomage it is neither a safe nor attractive option and one does need to consider such factors as a laydee in her prime when choosing suitable past-times ;-)


So there you have it...my planned activity from now through to June. I wasn't going to start until the New Year but given my track record in adhering to New Year Resolutions I binned that idea tout-suite! I am just 'sourcing'..... I just love that word...it sound so 'on message'!... suitable shoes with the advice and guidance of you lot....some more helpful than others, Mr Oswald!!....and then watch out Portree....Linda has been let loose on the community...see her near a place near you anytime soon! ;-)

 

November...Not for the Fainthearted!

Well we are now into the second week of November and it hasn't failed to disappoint - wet, windy, gloomy days that throw in the towel about 4.30 and give way to...yes, you've guessed it...wet, windy, dark nights!
As my FB friends will know....I absolutely loathe the winter...yes..before all you winter fans protest...I know it can be nice being snug, safe and warm, stuffing our faces with comfort foods while the rain batters off the windows and the wind brings the joyous sound of your whirly-gig being snapped in half...but, for me, it is a very limited pleasure.

I hate the fact that every day from November through to March is just going to be a slight variation on this theme....looking from the optimistic angle....if I don't get completely soaked thru to the skin every time I go out I might dodge double pneumonia for another year...looking from the pessimistic angle....I do get double pneumonia but recover in time to 'celebrate' that Christian Capitalist Conspiracy at the end of December!

Hmmm..I'll leave the 'C' word for the time being(never fear followers, I will return to it)because I refuse to contemplate it until we enter the 12th month...and return to the joy that is November! Apart from shite weather, the enforced confinement and heating bills starting to soar...November means bonfires and fireworks....oh yes! 

Now, I'm not a complete killjoy...I save that persona for you-know-when.. and I actually quite like watching fireworks and have attended organised public displays before at Glasgow Green and here on Skye. Alas, what gets on my mammaries are the f*ckwits who seem to have a problem with the old adage 'Remember, remember the 5th of November' Yes..the 5th of November...NOT I repeat NOT the frigging 5th, 6th and 7th of November...if you want to let fireworks off of on any other date than the 5th I suggest you stick them up your arse and do us all a bloody favour. This time of year is a nightmare for pets and their owners...and as the proud owner of 2 felines..I can tell you...that whilst one couldn't have given a flying fandango..the other one hasn't been so traumatised since his 'de-bollocking' visit to vet!

However...to end on a positive note...I became a Mummy for the first time in November...November 15th, 1983 and whilst giving birth is not so much a joy but more a melon > polomint experience...the end result....Natalie...was, and still is, brilliant :-)

Right...time to blogoff..and venture out and brave the elements..our super-duper bio-mass wood chip fuel central heating system needs a large cash injection and I'm meeting a friend for a slightly boozy lunch...that is what I love about Chardonnay....not just for November...but for any time of the year ;-)

A Brief Reflection On My Approaching Birthday

Well tomorrow I reach the ripe.. perhaps some would say over ripe... age of 47. Now, going by my experience of reaching 44, 45 & 46, I doubt being 47 will have any significant impact on my life and, more importantly, how I feel about my life. I still feel I'm 19 despite my daughters' ages, my body, my responsibilities and my lifestyle strongly being at odds with  that statement! Well phooey to all those because I live in my brain...how anyone can live anywhere else I'll never know...and my brain is a lissome, lithe, bubbly, active, optimistic and effervescent 19!

Despite the slings and arrows, and there has been a veritable torrent of those in the last few years, I still hope, if not totally believe, that there are adventures still to be had and good times to be enjoyed. A visit from Julie, a friend I've known for the best part of 40years, fanned those flames and her positive take on life...it's trials and tribulations..not only mirrored my own but enhanced them :-)

My life is pretty much the bog standard life of a middle aged woman but the people in my life are far from bog-standard! I have my lovely 3 daughters, Natalie, Candace & Yasmin who are simply the best and I have my Dad who, along with my  darling Mum who died in June, reminds and reinforces for me what a truly good human being should be :-) Beyond this, I am lucky to have other family and friends (online friends included!)who are supportive, interesting, funny, bloody minded, provocative, controversial, unique and kind...all qualities necessary to ensure a rich circle of companionship.

Approximately two years ago,  I was in Raigmore Hospital after suffering what was termed as a 'significant,brain injury'....basically I had Cerebritis...a brain inflammation caused by an unknown pathogen/toxin which resulted in me losing the power of speech, having visual disturbances and acute confusion. Actually, considering at first the medics thought I'd had a brain haemorrhage/stroke, this was the lesser of 3 evils! Two weeks in hospital, IV antibiotics and more MRIs and CTscans than I care to remember...(well actually than I CAN remember as memory, or rather its loss, is the one of the two lasting deficiencies I've been left with) I was discharged with speech, vision and mental state back to normal...well as normal as it ever was....I hear you Julie! ;-)
Apart from a small impairment in my memory and the inability to concentrate on anything for too long, I've made a full recovery and, when I think what could've been, I'm obviously very grateful :-)

So tomorrow I will have my birthday...and enjoy it...and not moan about my age and wish I was younger or that my presents/celebrations were bigger, better, whatever....I will be glad of the people who will be around tomorrow and think fondly of those who are not and wish all my FB/Blogger friends a happy, sunny, peaceful Wednesday :-)

Just a little follow on to 'We are all in this together'

Read this on a Facebook friend's page just now and I felt it was worth sharing.....The Tories...the Party that puts the 'n' in cuts.......

'We are all in this together'

I intended not to blog again until next week but if I hear the phrase 'we are all in this together' from one more Tory twat or LibDem apologist I think I will lob the TV through the window! I hate this pseudo inclusive 'a debt shared is a debt halved' pish that has been the mantra of the ConDems since May. The truth is that some of us are going to be far more in it than others...the predicted cuts in public spending are not going to impact on Mr Cameron and his ilk in the way they are going to impact on someone like myself whose income consists of Income Support & Carers allowance or someone in employment on a moderate income.So let's cut the crap and say it like it is...the poorer and most vulnerable should prepare to be shafted...aint it always the way...and the Eton Trifles and their cohorts should prepare for... their next skiing trip!

The Beginning...A Very Good Place to Start!

Well, I really don't know what has taken me so long to enter the world of blogging. Blogging certainly ticks a lot of my 'like' boxes...the excuse to spend unreasonable amounts of time at the PC, a forum to vent my spleen and give forth  my opinion on everything from the mundane to the controversial, the fact that I love language and  have always enjoyed putting pen to paper/fingers to keyboard and last but not least...I find that writing down what I'm thinking/feeling helpful not only in a reflective/ therapeutic way but also in organising and planning on what course of action, if any, I'm going to take.


Whether anyone will want to read my ramblings remains to be seen..but... certain friends who have 'encouraged' nay.. cajoled me into doing this had better at least be seen as followers...if only to check I've written nothing libellous about them in my weekly outpourings! ;-)


So there you have it....I've begun...and to quote my favourite neanderthal..I'll be back.....